drank too much and too many different things yesterday night (i can count at least 9 different liquors) and naturally i was so wrecked around 3 or 3:50am. thank fuck my brother called a cab for both our drunk asses.
woke up with huge bruises all over my legs. i even have a big fat bruise on the back of my hand like what the happened yesterday that i cannot remember how i got those.
i wish i hadn’t been that drunk because it was such a great night. ._.
lol remember my post abt me being in love? not happening, it’s just me dreaming about an idealized guy i once made out with. met him again today and it was just…. blah. i’m not in love with him, it’s just the thought about being in love.so yeah, false alarm.
tonight i’m gonna get it in tho. JACK RABBIT!!!!!
i feel more attractive than i’ve ever felt and i’ve been out and about, meeting new friends, guys, having fun these past months. but i would be lying if i said part of this isn’t overcompensation. i’m so physically and mentally drained right now all i wanna do is cry, sleep and never wake up. i don’t really want to keep doing this anymore but i do it to keep my mind from drifting off too far. i’ve been on a week-long partying break right now and i’m feeling so depressed and done with my life, it’s really pathetic. i’m sick of winter and i’m sick of clouds. i can’t even be alone anymore because i’d just automatically fall asleep when i’m on my own.
i think i’m in love, too. that would be the very first time i felt like this, not counting the times i was crushing on boys when i was a preteen/teen. and my heart breaks every time i think about the stupid situation we’re in. i don’t know if he hates me or doesn’t care about me or is just trying hard to get over me. we barely talk, he doesn’t even look in my direction when we’re at the same place at the same time. i try my best keeping up the “let’s just be friends” appearance but sooner or later i just have to back off and hide behind friends or on the other side of the room/hall. after a while i always start feeling inferior and unwanted.
i didn’t break up with him because i didn’t like how he treated me even though that was what i told him. one of my biggest faults would be that i never think about myself when i’m with people i like and love. i just didn’t want to weight him down, be the unnecessary girlfriend he doesn’t have time for and doesn’t want to give up his former life for. he wasn’t ready for this relationship and i didn’t want to force it on him.
i would totally get back with him if he would just give me a chance.
now i’m just so weak-minded that i make out with random guys just to try and feel the heart flutter i had when i was with him. i know it’s not unusual that people do this when they get their heart broken but i’ve never felt like this before and i hate how unpleasant it feels. i just want it to stop.
anyways, i’m dragging my ass from one day to another. there’s nothing enjoyable about my life anymore and i haaaaate that i’m feeling this way. maybe i just need to spend some time alone some place where i can be by myself without falling asleep or crying. it’s not raining today, let’s see if i can drag my ass to seaworld or the zoo……
if anyone of you is wondering why the heck im buying those colorful dresses you should see my party wardrobe. there’s black dresses, black skirts and black tops and black everythings. i always look like im going to a funeral lololol (well, maybe not with skirts that short oop).
pls don’t kill me (but if you reblog i will kill YOU/ just like it and we’re good):
http://www.muraboutique.com.au/ (for ya aussies love xoxo)
just ordered these. gdi i need an adult. :(
me and my 18 year old brother went to get some beer together. only i get carded by the cashier and my little brother just laughs at me.
someone cleaned up the bulk of the spam mails at work. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT? THOSE WERE MY SPAM MAILS.
THOSE WERE MY 2-3 HOURS WORTH OF WORK.
YOU OWE ME SPAM MAILS. I WILL STEAL YOURS NEXT WEEK MOTHERFUCKER.